3 weeks

I go back to work 3 weeks from today.

The emotions, thoughts, feelings this time around are quite different from when I was home with Layla. The entire month before I went back to work with her I was in tears. I would break down crying every time I thought about having to leave her. However, when the day came, I did just fine...and so did she!

With Piper, I'm feeling very calm. There are no nerves about leaving her. I am 100% confident in the place we take her. I've done this before. I know my daughter will thrive and learn. I know she will be happy. I know she will always know that I'm her mommy. :-)

With Layla I always wanted to tell the workers not to tell me when she crawled, took a step, said a word....I wanted to enjoy her "firsts" at home. I didn't want to think about the fact that someone else saw her take her first step. However, I never really got around to speaking those thoughts to the workers. And it didn't matter. She truly saved all her "firsts" for home. How do I know this? Because time and again I would pick up Layla and the workers would comment about how they saw her pull up and were excited for her...how she's started saying "uh-oh" and it was so cute...and I just smiled (and sighed with relief) because every time they said those things we had been seeing/hearing them at home for at least a week.

However, this won't stop me from actually verbalizing my wishes this time around. Piper will only be 3 months. Layla was 5.5 months. A lot happens in those 2+ months. She does have the same odds as Layla for experiencing a "first" at home or at daycare. I think we lucked out with Layla. I'm not willing to risk it this time only to have my heart broken that I missed something. Ignorance is bliss, right? Maybe not. But in cases like this I believe it is. :-)

As for returning to work, this also feels foreign compared to my feelings with Layla. I was going in to a new school (into a different subject than I was initially told - and a subject I didn't enjoy nearly as much) and into full-time teaching. While pregnant with Layla, and the time I took off with her, I was in a part-time position. Thinking about leaving my daughter for the first time on top of these new changes was a bit overwhelming to think about.

This time I am going back to the same position. There's comfort there because I know what it is I'm doing. I'm also going back to the beginning of a HUGE project for the kids. This is great because everything will (for the most part) be planned and there's less grading on my part because of the way the project is set up. So less planning and less grading will make my transition back to work fairly smooth.

One thing I am not looking forward to is actually returning to the same students I left. I know that sounds strange, but let me explain. With Layla, I was done for the year. I told my sub that it was her classroom and she could do what she liked. I didn't have to worry about the ramifications. With me having to to actually go back, I could potentially have quite a bit of "cleaning up" to do which is why I left about 10 pages of notes for my sub and that wasn't even including lesson plans I left. Seriously! I spent so much of my plan time trying to think of every minute detail to explain so she would understand what was going on and how to run things. Did she read it all? I hope so...but probably not. It definitely would have been a lot to take in. I'm left wondering what state my classroom will be in upon my return. Will all my hard work at the beginning of the year to set up structure and discipline still be in place or has it been lost? Will I have to be a tough, firm, no-fun teacher for a while to get things back in order? I sure hope not. That will only add stress to my life. I fear I will, though. I am holding on to a glimmer of hope that when the students see me back in the room they will straighten back up because they know I mean business. Or a different shred of hope that things transitioned smoothly between me leaving and my sub taking over. I won't know until I actually step back in the classroom. No use fretting over something I can't control, right? Easier said than done...

What the what?!?

I just had a baby 2 months ago. I'm nursing 100% of the time. So why in the heck am I having a period?!?! This isn't supposed to be happening!!! Argh!!

**Sis, that title is for you :-)

Babies Don't Keep

Cleaning and scrubbing
Can wait till tomorrow,

For babies grow up
We've learned to our sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep,

I'm rocking my baby,
And babies don't keep.

Tenderly Love

I have seen some beautiful displays of tenderly love from Layla to her sister. It just melts my heart! If only my words could paint the picture in your head perfectly.

The other day I was in the living room with the girls and noticed it got quiet (aside from the music coming from Piper's play gym). I looked over and saw the most precious scene! Piper was on her back under her play gym. Layla was on her stomach almost perpendicular to Piper. Here is the kicker. She was simply holding Piper's hand and watching her. So gentle. So sweet. I don't know how long she stayed like that, but it was definitely a long time in "toddler time."

I went to grab my phone to take a picture. It doesn't do it justice...but it is sweet nonetheless. If you happen to be "friends" with me on facebook, you can see it there. I'm sure there's a way to upload pics from my phone onto my computer and put them here, but I haven't taken the time to figure it out yet.

After taking a picture I realized I could take a video of it with my phone (my video camera was with my regular camera in Indy!! see post below). I knew I was quickly running out of time to catch this precious moment on video!

I caught the tail-end of the moment. Although Layla was no longer holding Piper's hand, she was still just sitting there staring at her sister. You can actually see Layla begin fidgeting with her hands as if she's really wanting to do something but knows she probably shouldn't...then she takes the paci out of Piper's mouth! Haha. But she so gently puts it back in. The BEST part of the video is the last second...Layla places her hand upon Piper's cheek and gives her the most loving of pats. Soooo sweet!!

I will be creating a YouTube account here shortly so I can upload the video and put it on Facebook. I will see if my husband can help me upload it here as well.

I really do love having two little girls and can't begin to fathom the things I will see from them in the future!

I know there will be *many* fights!! I'm a sister myself...I know how it works! :-) But I also know they will be the best of friends and always be there for each other.

I'm so proud to be their mommy!

Did I Just Do That?!?

Did I seriously just drive to Indy at 8:45 at night simply to pick up my camera that I left there New Year's Eve?

Yes, I did!

My camera is my most beloved gadget. It captures all the memories I hope to keep for a lifetime (or more). It has been eating away at me that I haven't had it these past few days while I watch Piper smile more & more. When I see Layla with some of the greatest facial expressions ever. Sisters loving each other every day. I need my camera for all that and more!

Waiting around until someone I knew would be in Indy, or someone from Indy would be heading here was not an acceptable option. Who knows how long that would take!

Shipping it to me was another option - equally as unacceptable. The cost in packaging and shipping would have been too much...especially when you factor in that I would most definitely insure it. However, the risk of something happening to it while it still holds pictures that haven't been put on my computer was not worth it.

So off I drove.

Oh yeah, I'm forgetting another big factor in my decision of needing to get my camera NOW. A big snow storm is *supposedly* on its way here tonight. Do you have any idea how upset & frustrated I would be if Layla was enjoying playing in her first big snow and I had no way of capturing the moment?!?! The thought itself was upsetting enough.

I guess I should go ahead and confess something. My excuse for heading to Indy tonight was because of this snow storm. However, I tweaked it a bit when telling others about what I was doing. To their knowledge, I was worried about how long the weather would stay bad...how long the roads would be yucky for driving...and I wanted to get the camera before any of that hit. In reality, I just wanted my camera for this snow tomorrow. I didn't even tell my husband the real reason because I figured he'd just make fun of me.

Does this mean I have an addiction to my camera? I obviously knew others would find it silly to drive over 2 hours late at night for a camera simply so I could have it in the morning when my daughter plays in the snow. I can hear then now:
"There will be other snows."
"She might not even like it."
"There might not even be any snow in the morning."
Yeah, yeah. But it's her FIRST snow to play in!
"She's not going to know the difference."
But I will!

And that was that. Off I drove, by myself, in below freezing weather, to get a camera for my daughter's first big snow. :-)

Accessories

I believe there might be something hidden inside me that I never knew existed...the desire to accessorize with purses.

I decided that I wanted to get a new purse with some of my Christmas money, so I headed to the mall to look around. I really shocked myself with how many different ones I was finding I liked and how "non-traditional" (black, brown, tan) they were. Too bad 95% of them were far more than I could justify spending on a purse!

It's also a shame that the cute purses I apparently desire to have don't match my sense of style when it comes to my clothes. :-( I think this comes from not liking the current size & shape of my body. Two babies in less than two years didn't help that much. But it is something I resolve to work on (intensely!) this year.

As for the accessories, I think I just need someone with a stronger fashion sense to help push me in the right direction...to nudge me to actually make the purchase(s) I want to make...to ensure me that I wouldn't look like an idiot walking around town with that on my shoulder. :-)

Good Eatin'!

We had some good eatin' going on in our house today!

Layla ate an entire bowl of oatmeal & raisins this morning. An hour later she ate nearly an entire banana. About an hour and a half later she ate a pb&j sandwich (one slice of bread) and about 5 Veggie Straws. I couldn't believe it! She finished a lunch plate! I can't recall the last time that's happened...if ever! So she was given a "treat" - one stick of a Kit-Kat bar :-) She thoroughly enjoyed her treat! While she was relishing in the deliciousness, I kept trying to reiterate that she got the treat b/c she ate her food until it was "all gone."

Please note that this is a BIG DEAL in our house! Miss Layla, although very happy and healthy (albeit petite), never cares much for eating anything. When she asked for a banana, I thought for sure it would be another wasted piece of fruit. When she ate it, I figured that meant lunch was a no-go. Boy was I wrong!

Dinner wasn't as huge of a success, but we did get several bites of chicken & dumplings and tomatoes down...that equals success in my book!

***

I have been doing better as well. I have had vegetables every day for about a week! I know it sounds puny, but we're so bad at incorporating veggies into our meals. Today I actually had a double dose of the daily serving as my soup (0 WW points!) for lunch had a full serving of veggies and I had a salad with my dinner tonight. Yay, me!

Fruits are my next task. I'm thinking yogurt smoothies will be the most effective way to ensure I'm getting my daily dose. :-)