Set up with Jeremy's new Kindle Fire (yep, just days after this article went Facebook crazy), I knew Layla wouldn't be a problem. It was Piper I was worried about.
Sure enough, she came wandering out about 30 minutes into the 1-hour session.
Long story short, she was back and forth a few times and by the end of the session, the situation had escalated, her patience and willingness to listen had deescalated, and she was showing off her newly-perfected, oft-used sassy/grumpy/ugly "no!" mixed in with, "I want ice cream" and other various promises of what she would do in order to get said ice cream. I'm pretty sure there was even a swat to my arm involved.
All happening right in front of the therapist.
Awesome.
I hate those situations. You know...where you really want to strongly discipline your child but don't want to do it in front of someone else...but don't want them to think you're letting your child rule the roost...but can't just walk away and leave because of the situation. Ugh. I know I shouldn't mind. Especially being in my own home. But I do.
So out the therapist went and off to discipline Piper I went.
There were tears. A fit was thrown. Time-out was given to calm down. And, of course, a reiteration of the statement that she would not be getting ice cream...which undoubtedly led to more tears and hysteria.
While reminding her of this, I knew in the back of my head that I really, truly did not want to go along with it. It was just another battle I did not want to have to deal with tonight. Couldn't I just come up with some task for her to do around the house to earn back her ice cream? Isn't that teaching her something? Do I really have to follow through with negative consequences if I can find a way out of it?
But I am the one who put myself in the situation when I gave the bribe (darn you people who say not to bribe!), so I couldn't back down or give in.
In an effort to avoid WWIII when Layla received her ice cream, I had a conversation with Piper (after she had calmed down).
Side bar: Conversations happen a lot in our house. We try to explain situations before they happen so they have an idea of what to expect. We converse about the dentist, doctor appointments, expected behavior in Wal-Mart, expected behavior for leaving the museum (before we get to the museum, mind you), etc., etc. These conversations have typically served us very well in the past. For example, Layla had to have her blood drawn when she was 2.5 and we told her it would feel like someone was pinching her and that it would probably hurt...but only for a little bit. She asked questions; we answered. We repeated the process a few times; she listened. It came time for the blood draw and she was AMAZING!! She just sat and watched the entire process beginning to end. I'm not going to say it's entirely because of our conversation beforehand, but I am pretty darn positive that she would have flipped out had that nurse whipped out that needle and she didn't know it was coming!
(Waiting for her blood draw at 2.5)
However, when you're trying to converse about a sibling getting ice cream that another is not...yeah, that's an entirely different ball game.
I had Piper explain to me her bad choices. I had her repeat to me our ice cream deal. I asked her if she would get ice cream.
All correct, calm responses so far.
I asked her if Layla would get ice cream. I asked her why. I asked her if she understood that she would not be getting ice cream and Layla would be eating some right next to her.
We repeated this scenario with variations in explanations/questioning at least 2 times.
She seemed "okay" as she solemnly nodded with her puppy-dog eyes and slightly turned-down mouth.
This was going easier than expected. I was a little scared.
Why, you ask? Because if the situation had been reversed and I had been talking to Layla all hell would have been breaking loose in my very own living room!
You think I'm kidding.
I'm not.
The girl once ruined her entire dinner because she was told to share one slice of her mandarin orange with her brother and she instead rashly decided that angrily squeezing the entire thing over her meal would be a better idea.
Still fearing what was to come, I seriously thought about not even going out to get some. Layla was still engrossed in whatever she was watching on the Kindle and seemed to have forgotten about the deal.
But I had to. Otherwise I would have still been giving in to the situation. Piper wouldn't have learned that her bad choices can have negative consequences.
So off we went.
"Crinner" (in-car dinner) happened first. Instead of going straight to an ice cream place, I aimlessly drove around allowing myself more time to decide whether or not I wanted to go through with this. Did I really feel like putting up with this huge battle so late at night?? Wouldn't it be so much easier to just go home?? Layla still seemed to have no memory of our ice cream deal as she wasn't bringing it up. It would be super easy to just walk into the house and put them to bed.
But I went for it.
Layla was told she would get ice cream and Piper was reminded she wouldn't.
Our conversation began again. My attempt to prevent an epic meltdown was in full-swing.
Still so far so good. (Although I'm walking on eggshells.)
As we waited in the drive-thru line, I tried to drive home this point to dear Layla by calling out Piper's "big girl" behavior to the situation. She wasn't throwing a huge fit that she wasn't going to get ice cream. My hope was that Layla would remember this for a time when the situation is reversed. I'm pretty sure my words were falling on deaf ears. Or, perhaps, falling on the ears of a child who is simply different from her sister.
We finally pull up to the window to get the ice cream and...much to my surprise and complete satisfaction...Layla was given her ice cream and Piper only longingly stared at her eating it.
Okay, she may have asked her for a bite, but that was a good, quick lesson in not asking for things we don't deserve.
But seriously! I was braced for a showdown and all I got was peace. Woohoo!
I am still in shock at how maturely she handled the situation. Truly. She showed such dignity and respect in her choice not to react negatively.
My sweet Piper surprises me quite often with her little showings of personality that are so opposite of Layla's. Leading a life where she seems to always want to do what her big sister does, these little glimpses into her own uniqueness are such blessings to me.
And I'm blessed to see them more and more often as she gets older.
She really is her own person, and has been from the beginning, but it's such a neat thing to see that two people created from the same parents can be so starkly different.
Her maturity in this situation also served to remind me that perhaps I'm not royally screwing up this whole thing known as parenthood. It was refreshing.
I'm definitely not saying I'm getting it "right" (as her older sister frequently makes apparent).
Actually, what I am saying is that I don't really think you can "screw it up" if you're putting forth effort, thought, and love. You simply do the best you can and the best you know how in the situations that are presented to you each moment. Your kids bring their own unique personalities into situations and whether or not you do everything in that moment "right" or everything in that moment "wrong", you can have entirely different outcomes for each child. Depending on the child, the situation, and a million other variables, you may walk away proud, discouraged, or somewhere in between.
It's parenthood.
There are highs and lows. Sometimes multiple times a day.
Tonight I walked away proud. Proud that my not-quite-3.5 year old could so maturely face the consequences of her choices while simultaneously watching her older sister reap the benefits of hers.
**Oh, and Barrett peed on the potty for the first time tonight!!! This might be reason enough to blog twice in one month :-)**
****In case it comes across to readers as though Layla is just a little hellion on wheels, I want to point out that I could post a hundred blogs about the amazing things she does (like choosing a toy for her 10-month-old-sister after getting her blood drawn instead of picking one for herself). However, this particular blog is simply about personality traits when it comes to reacting to things one does not get based on poor behavior. In that arena, Piper wins hands down.****
