The lone word muttered twice by my sleeping beauty.
I went in to check on Layla as I always do before going to bed myself. She was turned around in bed so I gently lifted her to put her back in the right direction. As I did, she woke up for a brief moment and said, "hug."
She then turned onto her side and, I thought, immediately fell back asleep.
However, a couple of seconds later she fluttered her eyes and muttered "hug" as she rolled onto her back.
I bent down to give her a hug. She wrapped one arm around me, gently patted me on the back, then promptly fell asleep.
Such a sweet moment.
I have to say, I'm quite proud to be the mommy of a little girl whose first thought is to ask for a hug after being awakened from a sound slumber :-)
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Pause, Please
As I type, tears are flowing down my cheeks.
I have realized tonight that I can't remember Layla as a baby. I try. I remember the first night at home. I remember trying to get her to sleep those first few weeks. I remember her 1st birthday and how she toddled around. But I can't remember just holding her (which I know I did a ton of!). I can't recall the feel of her little body in my arms. I can't picture her crawling around, her baby talk, pulling up.
If only life were on constant record. If only I could rewind and view what has been.
I'm looking at her 2-year pictures and wondering how in the world she's gotten so big.
I'm looking at Piper's 3-month pictures and am sad that I won't remember this stage of her life, either.
I know each stage of life is precious. We're in such a sweet, fun stage right now. I honestly wouldn't change it. I'd love to just pause our life and stay here for a little while longer.
Just tonight I was rocking Layla before putting her to bed and sat there longer than normal simply taking in the moment - the two of us singing together. Rock-a-bye, baby; Baa, Baa Black Sheep; Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star; I Love You Lord; It Is Well With My Soul. The sound of her two-year-old voice singing the words in a normal, not hushed night-time voice, and just being so relaxed in my arms. Not quite getting the point of rhythm and speeding through lines she knows super well. Being quiet just to hear her mommy sing (off-key and all). Not sensing me stifling my chuckles of joy as I listen and enjoy her songs. Hearing her whisper, "I love you, Mommy" after giving me a big hug and kiss before resting her head on her pillow. Telling me, "Thank you, Mommy" as I place her blanket over her.
But I want to have a stronger grasp on the past, too.
Pictures are good. Lord knows I have plenty of those! If I'd just get them off my darn computer and into an album.
But there's something special about just being able to pull a memory from your head and reliving it at a moment's notice. I want that! I want more!
Maybe I'm just too stressed and tired right now to be able to do that. Oh how I wish! I fear that's not the case, though. So I will have to be okay with the pictures I have, the few fleeting memories I can hold on to, and try to savor each moment before they quickly fade away.
I completely understand now why my dad used to always say, "I tried telling you girls to stop growing and you never listened."
If I can't get them to stop growing, I'd at least like a pause, please.
I have realized tonight that I can't remember Layla as a baby. I try. I remember the first night at home. I remember trying to get her to sleep those first few weeks. I remember her 1st birthday and how she toddled around. But I can't remember just holding her (which I know I did a ton of!). I can't recall the feel of her little body in my arms. I can't picture her crawling around, her baby talk, pulling up.
If only life were on constant record. If only I could rewind and view what has been.
I'm looking at her 2-year pictures and wondering how in the world she's gotten so big.
I'm looking at Piper's 3-month pictures and am sad that I won't remember this stage of her life, either.
I know each stage of life is precious. We're in such a sweet, fun stage right now. I honestly wouldn't change it. I'd love to just pause our life and stay here for a little while longer.
Just tonight I was rocking Layla before putting her to bed and sat there longer than normal simply taking in the moment - the two of us singing together. Rock-a-bye, baby; Baa, Baa Black Sheep; Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star; I Love You Lord; It Is Well With My Soul. The sound of her two-year-old voice singing the words in a normal, not hushed night-time voice, and just being so relaxed in my arms. Not quite getting the point of rhythm and speeding through lines she knows super well. Being quiet just to hear her mommy sing (off-key and all). Not sensing me stifling my chuckles of joy as I listen and enjoy her songs. Hearing her whisper, "I love you, Mommy" after giving me a big hug and kiss before resting her head on her pillow. Telling me, "Thank you, Mommy" as I place her blanket over her.
But I want to have a stronger grasp on the past, too.
Pictures are good. Lord knows I have plenty of those! If I'd just get them off my darn computer and into an album.
But there's something special about just being able to pull a memory from your head and reliving it at a moment's notice. I want that! I want more!
Maybe I'm just too stressed and tired right now to be able to do that. Oh how I wish! I fear that's not the case, though. So I will have to be okay with the pictures I have, the few fleeting memories I can hold on to, and try to savor each moment before they quickly fade away.
I completely understand now why my dad used to always say, "I tried telling you girls to stop growing and you never listened."
If I can't get them to stop growing, I'd at least like a pause, please.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Blue=Green
At least for my daughter.
I made blue cupcakes yesterday for the Super Bowl (still love my Colts!). They were a complete failure due to a cruddy egg substitute (I will be so glad when Layla's allergy is behind us!). They obviously weren't making it to the party, but they were still edible. I let Layla eat one and she LOVED it. Thank goodness for kids who could care less about the way things appear or if the consistency is as it should be. :-)
This morning I was a little surprised to find her poo was green...bright green!
I learned today that blue=green. At least when it comes to my daugther's input/output.
I made blue cupcakes yesterday for the Super Bowl (still love my Colts!). They were a complete failure due to a cruddy egg substitute (I will be so glad when Layla's allergy is behind us!). They obviously weren't making it to the party, but they were still edible. I let Layla eat one and she LOVED it. Thank goodness for kids who could care less about the way things appear or if the consistency is as it should be. :-)
This morning I was a little surprised to find her poo was green...bright green!
I learned today that blue=green. At least when it comes to my daugther's input/output.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Big Girl Bed
I just realized I never wrote about Layla's transition to her "big girl bed." She's been in it for two weeks now and I can't even imagine her in a crib now.
The morning of the change, I actually didn't wake up even thinking about transitioning her to a big girl bed. I don't know what got me thinking about it, but once I did, that's all I could think about. There were only a few weeks left of my maternity leave and if there were any major issues with the transition, I wanted to get them worked out before I went back to work.
We ended up getting her a twin bed rather than a toddler bed. Her crib actually transitions to a toddler bed and then a frame for a twin, but there was no way I was going to buy a second crib for Piper! The thought of buying a toddler bed didn't seem to be too wise, financially speaking, because she would quickly outgrow it. So off to the stores I went to buy twin sheets, a pillow, bed rails and a mattress & box spring.
Layla is quite the mover in her sleep. I am 100% confident that she would fall out of bed if all four sides weren't surrounded. Two sides are taken care of by walls, so I bought rails for the other two. However, once we got everything assembled, the rail I bought for the foot of the bed didn't actually work as nicely as it did in my head. So she currently has a night stand and hamper at the foot of the bed. :-) I initially had them weighted down pretty heavily so she couldn't push them away and get out, but have since removed the weight and she hasn't tried to push them. I'm not sure when to clear off the foot of the bed completely. I have walked in to check on her and seen her down there a couple of times already. We just have the mattress on the floor, but with the box spring, that's quite a fall. But I'm getting ahead.
Layla LOVES her new bed. She was jumping around like a crazy child as we were setting it up. She invited several "friends" to join her in the fun. She loves having her own pillow.
The first night was such a breeze! It could have been because it was quite a bit past her bedtime due to my persistence that we set up the bed that night :-). Whatever it was, she put her head on the pillow and went right to sleep.
Nap time the next day...not such a success. This is when I realized I needed something with more weight at the foot of the bed. I heard her cd player increase in volume tremendously which clued me in immediately that she was out of bed. I walked in to her room and she greeted me with a pleasant "Hi!" Apparently she didn't realize she was to stay in bed. Or she was just trying to be cute to prevent herself from getting into trouble. I'm sure it was the latter. :-) I ended up having to go back in there 2 different times. She sat and played in her bed for 2 hours!! She finally gave up and went to sleep...far too late in the day, but I let her sleep.
I knew the first night was too good to be true.
Second night came...again a breeze!!!
And we've had no issues since.
I think the nap time ordeal was just a fluke. She has had one or two other times where she would just sit and talk/sing/play in her crib for over an hour before falling asleep. I think this falling with the newness of a bed she could get out of extended the playing a bit, but not a huge deal.
This has been a bittersweet transition. Just another reminder that my little girl, my first born, is no longer a baby.
The morning of the change, I actually didn't wake up even thinking about transitioning her to a big girl bed. I don't know what got me thinking about it, but once I did, that's all I could think about. There were only a few weeks left of my maternity leave and if there were any major issues with the transition, I wanted to get them worked out before I went back to work.
We ended up getting her a twin bed rather than a toddler bed. Her crib actually transitions to a toddler bed and then a frame for a twin, but there was no way I was going to buy a second crib for Piper! The thought of buying a toddler bed didn't seem to be too wise, financially speaking, because she would quickly outgrow it. So off to the stores I went to buy twin sheets, a pillow, bed rails and a mattress & box spring.
Layla is quite the mover in her sleep. I am 100% confident that she would fall out of bed if all four sides weren't surrounded. Two sides are taken care of by walls, so I bought rails for the other two. However, once we got everything assembled, the rail I bought for the foot of the bed didn't actually work as nicely as it did in my head. So she currently has a night stand and hamper at the foot of the bed. :-) I initially had them weighted down pretty heavily so she couldn't push them away and get out, but have since removed the weight and she hasn't tried to push them. I'm not sure when to clear off the foot of the bed completely. I have walked in to check on her and seen her down there a couple of times already. We just have the mattress on the floor, but with the box spring, that's quite a fall. But I'm getting ahead.
Layla LOVES her new bed. She was jumping around like a crazy child as we were setting it up. She invited several "friends" to join her in the fun. She loves having her own pillow.
The first night was such a breeze! It could have been because it was quite a bit past her bedtime due to my persistence that we set up the bed that night :-). Whatever it was, she put her head on the pillow and went right to sleep.
Nap time the next day...not such a success. This is when I realized I needed something with more weight at the foot of the bed. I heard her cd player increase in volume tremendously which clued me in immediately that she was out of bed. I walked in to her room and she greeted me with a pleasant "Hi!" Apparently she didn't realize she was to stay in bed. Or she was just trying to be cute to prevent herself from getting into trouble. I'm sure it was the latter. :-) I ended up having to go back in there 2 different times. She sat and played in her bed for 2 hours!! She finally gave up and went to sleep...far too late in the day, but I let her sleep.
I knew the first night was too good to be true.
Second night came...again a breeze!!!
And we've had no issues since.
I think the nap time ordeal was just a fluke. She has had one or two other times where she would just sit and talk/sing/play in her crib for over an hour before falling asleep. I think this falling with the newness of a bed she could get out of extended the playing a bit, but not a huge deal.
This has been a bittersweet transition. Just another reminder that my little girl, my first born, is no longer a baby.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
3 weeks
I go back to work 3 weeks from today.
The emotions, thoughts, feelings this time around are quite different from when I was home with Layla. The entire month before I went back to work with her I was in tears. I would break down crying every time I thought about having to leave her. However, when the day came, I did just fine...and so did she!
With Piper, I'm feeling very calm. There are no nerves about leaving her. I am 100% confident in the place we take her. I've done this before. I know my daughter will thrive and learn. I know she will be happy. I know she will always know that I'm her mommy. :-)
With Layla I always wanted to tell the workers not to tell me when she crawled, took a step, said a word....I wanted to enjoy her "firsts" at home. I didn't want to think about the fact that someone else saw her take her first step. However, I never really got around to speaking those thoughts to the workers. And it didn't matter. She truly saved all her "firsts" for home. How do I know this? Because time and again I would pick up Layla and the workers would comment about how they saw her pull up and were excited for her...how she's started saying "uh-oh" and it was so cute...and I just smiled (and sighed with relief) because every time they said those things we had been seeing/hearing them at home for at least a week.
However, this won't stop me from actually verbalizing my wishes this time around. Piper will only be 3 months. Layla was 5.5 months. A lot happens in those 2+ months. She does have the same odds as Layla for experiencing a "first" at home or at daycare. I think we lucked out with Layla. I'm not willing to risk it this time only to have my heart broken that I missed something. Ignorance is bliss, right? Maybe not. But in cases like this I believe it is. :-)
As for returning to work, this also feels foreign compared to my feelings with Layla. I was going in to a new school (into a different subject than I was initially told - and a subject I didn't enjoy nearly as much) and into full-time teaching. While pregnant with Layla, and the time I took off with her, I was in a part-time position. Thinking about leaving my daughter for the first time on top of these new changes was a bit overwhelming to think about.
This time I am going back to the same position. There's comfort there because I know what it is I'm doing. I'm also going back to the beginning of a HUGE project for the kids. This is great because everything will (for the most part) be planned and there's less grading on my part because of the way the project is set up. So less planning and less grading will make my transition back to work fairly smooth.
One thing I am not looking forward to is actually returning to the same students I left. I know that sounds strange, but let me explain. With Layla, I was done for the year. I told my sub that it was her classroom and she could do what she liked. I didn't have to worry about the ramifications. With me having to to actually go back, I could potentially have quite a bit of "cleaning up" to do which is why I left about 10 pages of notes for my sub and that wasn't even including lesson plans I left. Seriously! I spent so much of my plan time trying to think of every minute detail to explain so she would understand what was going on and how to run things. Did she read it all? I hope so...but probably not. It definitely would have been a lot to take in. I'm left wondering what state my classroom will be in upon my return. Will all my hard work at the beginning of the year to set up structure and discipline still be in place or has it been lost? Will I have to be a tough, firm, no-fun teacher for a while to get things back in order? I sure hope not. That will only add stress to my life. I fear I will, though. I am holding on to a glimmer of hope that when the students see me back in the room they will straighten back up because they know I mean business. Or a different shred of hope that things transitioned smoothly between me leaving and my sub taking over. I won't know until I actually step back in the classroom. No use fretting over something I can't control, right? Easier said than done...
The emotions, thoughts, feelings this time around are quite different from when I was home with Layla. The entire month before I went back to work with her I was in tears. I would break down crying every time I thought about having to leave her. However, when the day came, I did just fine...and so did she!
With Piper, I'm feeling very calm. There are no nerves about leaving her. I am 100% confident in the place we take her. I've done this before. I know my daughter will thrive and learn. I know she will be happy. I know she will always know that I'm her mommy. :-)
With Layla I always wanted to tell the workers not to tell me when she crawled, took a step, said a word....I wanted to enjoy her "firsts" at home. I didn't want to think about the fact that someone else saw her take her first step. However, I never really got around to speaking those thoughts to the workers. And it didn't matter. She truly saved all her "firsts" for home. How do I know this? Because time and again I would pick up Layla and the workers would comment about how they saw her pull up and were excited for her...how she's started saying "uh-oh" and it was so cute...and I just smiled (and sighed with relief) because every time they said those things we had been seeing/hearing them at home for at least a week.
However, this won't stop me from actually verbalizing my wishes this time around. Piper will only be 3 months. Layla was 5.5 months. A lot happens in those 2+ months. She does have the same odds as Layla for experiencing a "first" at home or at daycare. I think we lucked out with Layla. I'm not willing to risk it this time only to have my heart broken that I missed something. Ignorance is bliss, right? Maybe not. But in cases like this I believe it is. :-)
As for returning to work, this also feels foreign compared to my feelings with Layla. I was going in to a new school (into a different subject than I was initially told - and a subject I didn't enjoy nearly as much) and into full-time teaching. While pregnant with Layla, and the time I took off with her, I was in a part-time position. Thinking about leaving my daughter for the first time on top of these new changes was a bit overwhelming to think about.
This time I am going back to the same position. There's comfort there because I know what it is I'm doing. I'm also going back to the beginning of a HUGE project for the kids. This is great because everything will (for the most part) be planned and there's less grading on my part because of the way the project is set up. So less planning and less grading will make my transition back to work fairly smooth.
One thing I am not looking forward to is actually returning to the same students I left. I know that sounds strange, but let me explain. With Layla, I was done for the year. I told my sub that it was her classroom and she could do what she liked. I didn't have to worry about the ramifications. With me having to to actually go back, I could potentially have quite a bit of "cleaning up" to do which is why I left about 10 pages of notes for my sub and that wasn't even including lesson plans I left. Seriously! I spent so much of my plan time trying to think of every minute detail to explain so she would understand what was going on and how to run things. Did she read it all? I hope so...but probably not. It definitely would have been a lot to take in. I'm left wondering what state my classroom will be in upon my return. Will all my hard work at the beginning of the year to set up structure and discipline still be in place or has it been lost? Will I have to be a tough, firm, no-fun teacher for a while to get things back in order? I sure hope not. That will only add stress to my life. I fear I will, though. I am holding on to a glimmer of hope that when the students see me back in the room they will straighten back up because they know I mean business. Or a different shred of hope that things transitioned smoothly between me leaving and my sub taking over. I won't know until I actually step back in the classroom. No use fretting over something I can't control, right? Easier said than done...
Friday, January 22, 2010
What the what?!?
I just had a baby 2 months ago. I'm nursing 100% of the time. So why in the heck am I having a period?!?! This isn't supposed to be happening!!! Argh!!
**Sis, that title is for you :-)
**Sis, that title is for you :-)
Monday, January 11, 2010
Babies Don't Keep
Cleaning and scrubbing
Can wait till tomorrow,
For babies grow up
We've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby,
And babies don't keep.
Can wait till tomorrow,
For babies grow up
We've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby,
And babies don't keep.
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