Cold Turkey

Layla and I have gone cold turkey with nursing. I know it sounds harsh, but we were only on 2 nursings a day anyway (morning and night) and I haven't felt like those have been hugely successful as of late. A few days before her first birthday I really started thinking that I was ready to be done with nursing. I decided that her last day as an "infant" (a.k.a. under one) would be the last day of nursing.

Sunday came and I informed Layla that it would be her last day :-)

Monday came and there were no issues skipping the morning nursing. I took the day off and it was easy to just wake up and put her in the high chair to feed her breakfast with a sippy cup.

Monday evening came and I was really just wanting that time with her to "snuggle." I didn't realize that I would miss the physical contact like that. She never stops moving, and that has been the only time she would let me hold her in a snuggly position while still awake. Lately, though, even that was a struggle (which is why I knew we were both ready).

However, I caved to my desires and we nursed the evening of her birthday. I figured it wasn't bad...a little birthday treat. :-)

Tuesday morning was nice because I could get myself ready for work and didn't have to set aside time for nursing.

Tuesday evening I was feeling the desire to nurse again. I then started wondering what our evening routine was going to look like from here on out. Before, she would eat dinner, bathe if necessary, get into pajamas, sit on the couch with mommy & nurse, go into her room and listen to a bit of music as I held her and she calmed down even more to rest her head on my shoulder, and then put her in her crib to allow herself to fall asleep. Nursing was such an integral part of that routine. I wasn't sure how I could go from pajamas to bed with no transition. Then it came to me...

READ!

So we sat on a chair in her room and read a book together a few times over. I wasn't sure if this was the best transitional method because she was seemingly excited about the book and not relaxing as I had hoped. But I kept going, thinking the newness would wear off and over time she would eventually learn that this was quiet time.

We went to bed with no problems like usual!

Today I have felt "fuller" than I have in quite some time. The nagging thought of nursing at night was with me all day. But a part of me knew that once I sat down to nurse, I would once again be thinking how it's time to quit or wonder how I would ever transition if I couldn't do it now. So I pushed through.

Reading tonight was not quite as successful. She cried very heavily for a while as I held her in my lap to read - I think she wanted to play with the stuffed animals around the chair. Those will be removed tomorrow. :-)

While we were reading and she was crying, I noticed I started leaking!!!! I can't even remember the last time I leaked! Just another little thing to push me back to thinking of nursing at night only.

She finally calmed and started playing with and talking to the book again.

I stood up to sway to the music with her and she was crying yet again. I began leaking yet again. Ugh! I finally just laid her down in the crib and left.

She is currently crying/staying awake longer than she has in quite some time.

Her fighting to relax and me putting her in the crib before she rests her head on my shoulders isn't new...but all this crying tonight really makes me wonder...does she miss the nursing or is this just an off night???

Needless to say, I haven't caved since Monday evening. I'm sure that my milk production will end soon. Which leads to another question lingering around in my head...do I simply just stop and "dry out" or is there another method?

I sure hope there is no leakage tomorrow at work...I gave my sister all my bra pads!

I've never really had an addiction to anything, but I think I can now sympathize (on a much smaller scale) with those trying to fight one. I'm sure the thoughts/desires to nurse will increase over the next day or so. Hopefully once my supply decreases, and Layla and I get used to the new routine, my urges to nurse will also decrease.

I do wonder if I should have even stopped...I never told myself I was quitting at a year, never had a deadline, I just new I wanted to make it to at least a year. It just turned out that I really started thinking "I'm done" right around her first birthday. I do think we were both ready...but now I'm not so sure.

Okay...there's the "addiction" talking. I think we'll both be just fine :-)

**I'll post about her first birthday in the near future.