Tomorrow Is Coming

I have to admit, now that the evening is drawing to a close, I am feeling a bit nervous...no, anxious...about going to school tomorrow.

It's not because I feel like something terrible is going to happen. Not at all.

It's the questions/comments/conversations that might happen with the sweet little faces I will come across this week. I will not start any conversation. But how do I respond to a student's question? What do I do/say if I hear students speaking of the horrors amongst themselves? I haven't even thought about it. I think because I don't want to think about it.

It's seeing a uniformed officer walking the halls of the school...an elementary school. It will be a very in-my-face reminder of what happened and how life has changed. It will force me to think about it.

It's the 1st graders who will enter the library. Will I keep myself composed? I think so. Although I have been known to cry in front of students before (reading The Giver out loud does it every time). I've been forcing thoughts/images out of my mind all weekend. I've been working at not visualizing the 1st graders I know facing such horrific circumstances.

All weekend I've had this deep desire to hug each student (and I am blessed to see every student in the school each week). I won't get to do this, of course. At least not every student. But one of the things I love about the move to elementary is all of the hugs. I get hugs every day. Not every student hugs. And that is okay. But those students who do reach out and hug me this week, I will hang on to that hug a bit longer than I did last week.

The hugs & smiles. That is what I will focus on.